> New Directions in Folklore 6 June 2002
Newfolk :: NDiF :: Issue 6 :: Chapter 3::
Page 4 :: ::References

Making a Big Apple Crumble

Bill Ellis

Appendix B: Old Fashioned Game of Whoop-Ass

Dear Taliban, Mr. bin Laden, Mr. Arafat, and Mr., Hussein, et al:

We are pleased to announce that we unequivocally accept your challenge to an old fashioned game of Whoop-ass. Now that we understand the rule that there are no rules, we look forward to playing without them for the first time. Since this game is winner- take-all, we unfortunately will be unable to invite you to join us at the victory celebration. But rest assured that we will toast you -- LITERALLY.

While we will admit that you are off to an impressive lead, it is, however, now our turn at the plate. By the way, we will be playing on your diamond now... Batter up!

Our team line up is as follows:

Co-owners: The FATHER, SON, and HOLY GHOST

Manager - George W. Bush
Asst. Manager - Dick Cheney
Head Coach - Colin Powell
Asst' Coach - Donald Rumsfeld
Starting Pitcher - Norman Schwartzkoff
1st Base - U.S. Marine Corps
2nd Base - U.S. Navy
3rd Base - U.S. Air Force
Shortstop and Clean up hitter - U.S. Army
Outfield - Firemen and Policemen
Umpire - None required *
* remember - the manager told you there'll be no discussion; no negotiation; and you didn't want rules, anyway!
Pinch hitters as needed -
U.S. Navy Seals
U.S. Army Green Berets
U.S. Army Rangers
U.S. Air Force PJs
Delta Force

And, since there are no rules, we've decided to add:
4th Base - United Kingdom
5th Base - Russia
6th Base - China
Other Bases (as desired) - Pakistan, Japan, Germany. France, Spain, Italy,
Israel, Saudi Arabia, Egypt, Turkistan and lots of other....Stans, and more.

Opening ceremonies:
Vocal 1: Celine Dion - The Star Spangled Banner
Vocal 2 : Lee Greenwood - God Bless The U.S.A
Vocal 3: Bruce Springsteen - Born In The U.S.A.
Vocal 4: The Mormon Tabernacle Choir - Battle Hymn of the Republic

You may choose whoever you want for your team... it won't really matter (even if you all shave), our guys are gonna win!

Sincerely,

On behalf of the 270,000,000 citizens of the United States of America

p.s. May we recommend at this time that you give your soul to Allah; because your butt is OURS!!!!! Goodbye literally.

e-mail: Tue, 06 Nov 2001 00:26:25 -0600;.

Available: http://list.ftech.net/pipermail/jokequeen/2001-November.txt

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