Ussy Begonia was one year old when it was determined that she was a genius. She could speak in complete sentences, compute complex mathematical problems, and play a dandy jig on the fiddle, an instrument that was both larger and heavier than she was.
"What a marvelous child for God to have blessed us with," remarked Ussy's mother, Rapacia, on more than one occasion. Ussy's father, Bert, agreed. People came from far and wide to observe the miraculous infant with the intellect of an adult. Ussy and her family soon grew famous throughout the land and also inordinately wealthy.
Finally, just before Ussy turned two, they were summoned before the ruler of the entire nation, King Justuss. Rapacia and Bert both expected the king to reward and praise them for giving birth to such a remarkable child. Only Ussy was skeptical of the entire proceedings, and voiced her contempt and disdain for King Justuss.
"In an ideal society," Ussy pontificated, "there would be no need for kings, especially none as ruthless and despicable as King Justuss. This entire despotic system will fall one day soon, and the people will rise up in a revolution that will bring peace and fair governance to all!" Her father and mother nodded sagely, although they did not understand one word of what she had said.
Ussy declared that she would not visit the king, so her parents stuffed her into a potato sack and carried her off to the palace, for although Ussy was very intelligent, she was still very small.
King Justuss was a young man; he was tiny, with a thin mustache and short cropped black hair. He cut a dashing figure in his elegant clothes and bright red sash. His father had died eight years earlier, when he was sixteen, and King Justuss had ruled the kingdom severely since then. He was an extremely petty man, and he feared that one day the intellect of Ussy Begonia would make her a formidable enemy. Thus, when Rapacia and Bert took Ussy out of the potato sack and laid her before the regent, King Justuss took his scepter and struck a tremendous blow to the side of Ussy's head.
"That will teach her!" her cried, as the baby's blood and brains sprayed the faces of the onlookers. "That will teach all of you!"
Rapacia and Bert started weeping then, and were banished from the land. Before they fled, however, Rapacia noticed that Ussy was not dead, so she secretly took her mangled infant home with her, not to bury, as King Justuss thought, but to nurture back to health. Unfortunately, Ussy had lapsed into a coma, from which no one could awaken her.
"Oh, Ussy!" cried her mother. "Won't you please wake up!" But her words had no effect.
Thirty years later, Ussy was still in a vegetative state. The injury had also stunted her growth, so she never grew much bigger than a small child. Although Bert had died long before, Rapacia was still alive and tended patiently to her damaged daughter. Rapacia was now a haggard old crone, and knew that her days would soon be at an end. Much had changed throughout the land during her lifetime, and the world was a very different place than it once had been. King Justuss had been deposed, just as Ussy had prophesied, and he was now forced to wander the land alone, an outcast in the very country he had once ruled. The people had indeed risen up, and a benevolent committee of equals controlled the fate of the nation.
Eventually, Rapacia grew sick and knew that her time was at hand, so she sent out a message that she needed someone, anyone, to marry her daughter and take care of her.
At first, no one came to propose to Ussy, and Rapacia became weaker and weaker. One day, just as she was losing hope, a man arrived at the door.
He had a massive gray beard that was flecked with particles of food and clumps of grease. His hair had evidently not been cut in years, as it hung raggedly halfway down his back. Both of his eyes were tiny and bloodshot, and they twitched constantly, giving the impression of complete insanity. His shoulders were hunched over, as if he had been beaten repeatedly.
"I wish to marry your daughter," the man said, and a nervous titter escaped his lips. The sound was so eerie that it made hackles rise on the back of Rapacia's withered neck. Still, he was the only suitor to show up so far, Rapacia realized, and the only one who probably ever would.
"Ussy," the man breathed, and as he knelt down and touched the crippled, silent body, a strange occurrence took place. Ussy's eyes flickered, and then opened.
"Ussy! Ussy!" wept her mother. "Oh thank God, you have returned to us!" But something terrible had happened to Ussy during the time that she'd spent in a coma. When she woke up, it became evident that her superior intellect had fled.
"Mama," Ussy said. "Me want Mama."
At this, the little bearded man began to laugh and laugh and laugh. His round shoulders jiggled up and down, and tears ran down his face and into his beard.
"Stop that!" shrieked Rapacia, "Oh you must stop that!"
"Mama," Ussy gurgled. "Me love Mama, Mama, Mama!" The man in the beard leaned down and slowly picked up Ussy's crippled body.
"Mother, do not fear," he told Rapacia soberly, although a smile still lingered on his face. "I will treat her like a queen." With that, he strode from the place, holding Ussy in his arms, and the two lived happily ever after.
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