Carmen V. Rocha

After All, Silent Love

It is 1973, mi madre wakes me up
at six o'clock in the morning, everyday!
With her gentle hands, she dresses me,
brushes my brown curly hair, and
serves me "Old Fashioned Quaker" oat
meal, I think...

Happily and joyfully walking down the
unpaved dusty streets, I drag
my feet on my way to school;
head up, and with a proud smile on my
face, I say to mi gente, "¡Buenos dias!"
Showing off my white and blue uniform,
my beautiful curls bouncing up and down,
and a belly well fed, I go down the zig-zag
hilly road.

I remember…
Silently, I enter into the classroom,
I see my teacher holding a long
off-white rule pointing to the numbers on
the blackboard. "¡Adición is the learning
topic for today!" she remarks. "Me gusta la
idea." I said within me.

Mi maestra… through my eyes… is a
"straight forward teller." She tells you what
is on her mind, good or bad. In other words,
she doesn't "beat around the bush."
Bang! Bang! A ruler smacks against a
student's table. It is her way to get "maestro"
attention. Silence, I stand. Now words to say.
After all, she is la maestra.

On my way home, I encounter my Mom.
She is waiting for me in a van. I see mi dos
hermanos mayores and mi dos hermanas
inside the van. But one body is missing, mi
hermana mayor.

Suddenly, I hear "¡Entra!"
An authoritative voice remarks to me.
It is mi mamá who talks.
Listening to her strong toned voice…
everything freezes… nothing is said by
me… no questions asked… no explanation
expressed… Silencio is what I hear.
Silencio is what comes out from my mouth.
After all, she is mi Mamá.

Silently, I jump into the van. I see mom's
face, de-ses-pe-ra-da and nerviosa. I don't
dare to ask her what is going on. My mind
shuts down.
"Boom!"
Familia space is what "we" need now.

But I wonder where I'm going.
Crrrrrrr!… Mom stops the van.
Deseperada and out of breath, she calls mi
hermana mayor, the missing one, and
reprimands her.
Why?… Remember, no questions asked.

Silencio is the answer.

Confused, I look out the grimy window. I
see airplanes taking off in different
directions. We are in San Juan. I wish
marni or someone would tell me where
"nosotros" are heading to. I assume no one
knows. Mom does not mention anything
about traveling. The only thing I know is
that I sit in a hot leather chair, feeling like
mushy squashed sardines among my
siblings. After all, we are familia.

Heading to an unknown destiny. I observe
mom's silent behavior. Holding right to her
seat, she turns around and looks at her hijos
and says nothing. Silencio. She turns
around and takes a deep breath. Uhhh!

I can feel her profound silent love.

…after all, silent love…

Taking off!

h

h